Ask Zane Anything
Is it true that you possess super powers and can read a person's true wishes, fears, horoscope, and life expectancy based on their deli sandwich order?
- asked by Barry
In fact, I do have some of these powers but it's not based on people's sandwich orders. I had an incident over the weekend that is hard to fathom but completely true. Ian, the amazing owner of Telegram Poster and Framing Emporium on Ossington came into the deli with his adorable daughter Posey. I asked Posey her age. "Four and a half," she said. "When's your birthday," I asked. She hesitated. "Is it August," I asked. "It is," Ian said. A surprised look on his face. Figuring I was on a role and channeling Kreskin I went on. "Is your birthday August 14," I asked. "How did you do that," Ian asked. "That's her birthday." Posey seemed unfazed by my amazing display. I should tell you I have had two experiences of unexplained, spontaneous healing and in Grade 6 I turned off a TV set just by pointing at it and willing it off. I may have made a turning-tv-off noise with my mouth too. Also, I'm handy with a bra strap unless it's in front - those give me trouble. However, I have never killed a goat with my mind.
Thank you from Zane


Zane is not responsible for screwing up your life if you take his relationship advice. Please take all answers with a light heart and an open mind. Zane is not a psychologist, biologist, dermatologist, botanist, or specialist of any kind in anything other than Deli. Even then, he's not perfect, but strives to be. Zane takes no responsibility if you take his advice seriously, because, well, he doesn't take his own advice seriously.