Ask Zane Anything
What is the proper punishment for someone putting swiss cheese and sauerkraut on good corned beef?
- asked by Zack K.
This is an emotionally laden question. For years I resisted making a Reuben sandwich despite being asked more times than I wish to count. I resisted for a few reasons. 1. The Reuben is seen as an abomination to deli purists. Now, I've never identified myself as a deli fanatic but I do have my limits. For example I won't put cheese on your sandwich but if you order cheese I will sell it to you and make you put it on yourself. 2. Logistically it's hard for us to manage for reasons I won't get into. But when I realised I have a sandwich press and 220 power at the slicing station I created the "Reubenesque", a grilled Reuben with Smoked Meat instead of Corned Beef. But we only make it a one-day a week special on Thursdays. Sometimes people call me out on the hypocrisy of it all. "How can you refuse us cheese on our smoked meat," they say with arms flailing "when you offer a Reubenesque on Thursdays?". Depending on my mood I respond to these difficult people differently. Sometimes I simply shrug. Other times I explain that "we are all defined by our hypocrisy". I like that line and believe I made it up but may have stolen it from a fortune cookie. Other times, I quote Steve Martin and say "Fuck off, clown."
Thank you from Zane

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Zane is not responsible for screwing up your life if you take his relationship advice. Please take all answers with a light heart and an open mind. Zane is not a psychologist, biologist, dermatologist, botanist, or specialist of any kind in anything other than Deli. Even then, he's not perfect, but strives to be. Zane takes no responsibility if you take his advice seriously, because, well, he doesn't take his own advice seriously.